Tie the Tail of the ReTailers

My last blog made me think about this whole new looting stuff called retail marketing. Some times I feel that the success of retailing is a proof to the growing greed of the men and women riding on the shopping cart. When the optimist in me calls me a fool for saying so, the humorist in me couldn’t stop laughing at the way products are sold in the market.

Some of the billboards of these retailers talk to me in an interesting way..

• A 40% dressed model features in a bill board advertising a 60% discount. Generating an interest in any of these two is disastrous.


• A happy family going out of the shop with a car load of plastic bags. Not sure how many families have lost their happiness after doing a similar act.


• Recession sale! Now what are they selling?


• Asia’s biggest mall. Does it sound like Asia’s biggest looting place?

Wanted to dig deep into the minds of the buyers & found something interesting. Thanks to this guy, I came to know about Graph jam which is helping me in presenting this..

Having said this, the wise man in me agrees to the fact that retailers has brought the seller and the buyer close, but I am worried that it is not bringing the real product and the real price close.

My non nonsensical self told me…

You can’t blame me if I call you an Idiot

Sundays are special days. It is this day of the week, which every working human wants to be the longest. The longest 24 hours that you can get in a week. It is this day on which you sit in front of an idiot box and spend time without even knowing what you have done. On all other working days you make the computer box sit in front of an idiot. It takes your time without even allowing you to know what you were doing. At the end of the day it says, “You idiot better go today and come back tomorrow” which you sincere obey.

When your office computer can be blamed to a certain extend. The real criminal is somewhere outside. He is the one who constructed the roads of this city. Those who live in Bangalore will appreciate the thought that Bangalore has a serious traffic problem which can be set right only by eliminating all vehicles. The Government has made its best. It has made man holes, damaged roads and non sense signals so that people could avoid using them. Still..our people dare to go to office everyday. In order to give a better threat, it has trained few street race bikers who could just hit you & take you to heaven (since you are already riding in hell everyday). Also, it has spread a virus which mixes with your DNA and makes you violate traffic rules wherever possible. Still…You won’t get frightened, but continue going to office in your vehicle everyday. You are an idiot who couldn’t even understand Government’s intention.

When you don’t want to risk the road, you rely on the man made three wheeled marvels which I am very fond of. They are the movers and shakers of the city. A casual discussion with the elite intellectual members of Bangalore autowalas gave me shocking revelations of how they read a person’s idiot quotient before giving him a ride. They say “Our assessment is a free gift to those who use our services”. A free analysis of their report is given below to enhance your awareness

Leaving aside these petty issues, we have an Industry flourishing. They wake up every morning & pray to the almighty “God send me as many idiots as possible to my retail store”. They are the ones who have done full blown research on an Individual’s idiotism. As a result of their analysis, they have come up with some innovative offers. I have deciphered the meaning of one such innovation.

Will try to bring more after becoming an idiot in few more cases..

To Globe on his 2009th year with us...

Cool Globes Chicago Sad Earth
Originally uploaded by JohnLeGear

Thanks for making us survive for 2009 years. We don’t know what you expect from us, but we have 9 expectations from you in the year 2009. I am sure that you will meet these expectations as usual.

1. We are happy with the amount of water that we are surrounded with, but please keep the right balance. Don’t increase it so that we all have to live in boat houses and don’t decrease so that we end up drinking sweat. I hope you don’t mind the fact that we use Global warming and Go Green as a catch word but nothing more.

2. We are doing our best to ensure that you are occupied with your work. We have destroyed most of the forest that are created by you centuries ago. We hope that you will think creative and come up with some strategy to build new forest somewhere. We will ensure that we will help you by destroying all the existing forest so that you get a great challenge in the next few years.

3. Thanks for giving us our (may be your) oil products. We have enjoyed playing enough games with that. You know.. we have made it so valuable that the amount of food that my elderly village man eats depends on the cost of crude oil. You just created, we have made it valuable. Please keep creating.

4. Our beloved God has made a mistake. He has made us inhale air for our survival. We don’t like it since we like polluting the air than purifying it. We are looking for an alternative. In the meanwhile, please share our burden. Let us make a 50:50 deal. We will keep polluting the air and you can keep purifying it. What say?

5. When you had just two human survivors, you had given her an apple which is believed to be the cause of all sins in the world. Now, we have taken your role, we give our people with all alcoholic and non alcoholic addictives. This will ensure that you are not blamed for all sins after some 1000 years, but don’t stop giving us the apples.

6. You have made the crows and ants to live with us so that we will learn team work from them. Thanks for that, we expect you to create more such opportunities for us to live. If we have not learnt this, we wouldn’t have played big time events like the World War 1 and World War 2. It seems you are worried about not having a season 3, hence we are keeping an eye on Iraq and other third world countries.

7. We are in the process of developing a successor for you. Interested to know his name? We have called him The Money. Cute name isn’t it? He seems to be promising and we think that he can fill your place soon, but he wants you to stand for some more centuries. Please stay awake till then.

8. My great grand father called Darwin was talking about “Survival of the fittest”. We have proved ourselves as the fittest by giving no place for the animals to live. We know that you are appreciating our supremacy, but all of a sudden it seems that we have to overpower you. Please keep yourself underpowered.

9. Finally..One fine day if you think that our race has to end, I would expect you to take our help. We have conducted successful events like 9/11 and 26/11. Please make use of our expertise rather than repeating your old events like flood, earthquake etc.,